WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
