Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
