nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
