Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Buhtt sex?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
