We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
