Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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