It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
