they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
