i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
