i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
