Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
