Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
It's blow job season.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
