So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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