update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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