My sheets look like a crime scene.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
