Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
