You can't special order awesome
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
