I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
