I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
