U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
