Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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