i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
