Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
