your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
