Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
