No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
wow bdsm is so cute
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
