So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
