I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
