no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
