She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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