I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
