i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
