She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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