I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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