When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
