Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
