things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
