I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm bleeding and have questions
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
