I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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