what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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