Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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