I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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