The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
the gays at disneyland are vicious
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
