Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
