I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
