I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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