I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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