My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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