He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
