Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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